Essai #2 - My first emotional blocker
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=> As I mentioned the other day <=, writing and creating things has helped me understand how do I connect with my 'higher brain' and take a step back from my emotional blockers to be more creative. I wanted to share, in this post, what I believe was my first and most important emotional blocker.
Let’s go back a few (many) years. When I was around seven, my aunt gave me her old acoustic guitar, which she no longer used. I remember that moment so clearly—standing in my bedroom, feeling the dirt on the strings and smelling the lacquered wood. At that time, I couldn’t really play; I needed to learn. But I still let the strings speak freely, creating my own avant-garde chaos, and that, made me happy.
I asked my mom to take me to a guitar lesson, eager to learn how to play this instrument, which felt bigger than me. She said:
"I would love for you to learn, but before you can play, you first need to learn how to read music notes. That’s the only way you’ll be able to play the guitar."
And, that was it.
In that moment, my first instinct—to break the rules of how one is supposed to learn something; in this case music—was squashed. I couldn’t escape the rule. So, I put the guitar in the corner of my bedroom, and from that moment on, I didn’t want to look at it anymore. I hated it.
It wasn’t until I was fourteen, when I had more freedom to explore my own interests, that I finally dared to reconnect with music. By then, I had learned to navigate the world on my own terms—going out with friends, discovering music in my own way, computer stuff, smocking pot... and that was when I picked up the guitar again and began learning to play.
That was my first emotional blocker, imposed by my mom. At that time, I couldn’t express or release my emotions through music or any form of art because I had no other way to express what was really inside me.
And it led to other intellectual and creative blockers that have stayed with me to this day, urging me to eliminate them once and for all.
mot4i